1. Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way".
2. Drum on every available surface.
3. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
4. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
5. Ask 800 operators for dates.
6. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
7. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
8. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
9. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
10. Specify that your drive-through order is "dine-in".
11. Set alarms for random times.
12. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
13. Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
14. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
15. Instead of "Gallo", serve "Jack Daniel's" next Thanksgiving.
16. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
17. Honk and wave to strangers.
18. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
19. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
20. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
21. Wear your pants backwards.
22. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.
23. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!".
24. Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music".
25. When in a chat room, repeatedly type 'poop' until people start yelling at you.
26. Name your dog "Dog"
27. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
28. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing".
29. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
30. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
31. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
32. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
33. Make appointments for the 31st of April.
34. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/ UFO/OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
35. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
36. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
37. Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
38. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
39. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador".
40. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
41. At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
42. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
43. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One".
44. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
45. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
46. Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
47. Sing the "This is the song that never ends..." song.
48. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
49. Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
50. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up", and repeat.




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